There comes a time in a year or so when u are bound to introspect yourself...the basic lying assumption being the incapabilities u start witnessing...
the time when nothing goes right...well absolutely that is...
can say experiencing a somewhat tough time on the emotional exposure and trauma front...
when i introspected lately i found one very unusual thing that used to exist in my subconscious mind but is out now...
FRIENDS
still haven't figured out what the very word means...
is it just emotional support and understanding or being there for each other...
why is that u make friends as if theres no tomorrow...and pact it with undying promises for being there with and for each other...and then comes the sudden demise of the very base of friendship...1 .. 2...3 n everything vanishes but u still go onn and make new friends...
i think thats a human characteristic one cannot overcome...
similliar is with me..
i make uncountable friends...get attached to some... give my heart and mind out for some...do everything possible...but 90% of them leave the bond in a fraction of a second...when am totally attached to them they aren't even 5 %...
dunno why is this so complex...a friend u used to trust ..respect...feel proud about...becomes a undying nightmare u just wished u never had...just for the reason that u invested so much of emotional labour thats gone point blank waste!
one more characteristic feature of this suddden breaking of bond is that it also carries with it negativity and hatred...
its soo damn complex that relationships, people, values change so fast...
and after everything am left with a question and a resolution:
QUESTION:
What was my fault?where did I went wrong in proving my ex-friend that i really feel he/she was important to me?
and the RESOLUTION:
I would be more patient and careful choosing my friends ahead.
BUT here am again on the brink of another such moment when i realize the same question and resolution and introspct myself on where did i went wrong this time?
And the only thing that comes in my mind is:
I never did wrong to my Ex friend...It was his/her decision to spoil whatever bond we had ( mainly because of back bitching,not trusting me,a small argument o whatever!)
it was there decision to go find new friends.
i don't stop them.
however i will wait for the time when they would realize my worth one day in the future and would ask themselves,,why did they ruined it all...
and that day i would be at peace as i would prove my credential as a friend to atleast a handfull of Ex friends...
Life comes back at you.
people come and go...friendship grow ..friendship shrinks...but one day.. one thought ..one moment can change everything taking u back on track to the road u left...
thats life
however we never stop making friends or remembering the old ones...
we just go onn and onn.
the time when nothing goes right...well absolutely that is...
can say experiencing a somewhat tough time on the emotional exposure and trauma front...
when i introspected lately i found one very unusual thing that used to exist in my subconscious mind but is out now...
FRIENDS
still haven't figured out what the very word means...
is it just emotional support and understanding or being there for each other...
why is that u make friends as if theres no tomorrow...and pact it with undying promises for being there with and for each other...and then comes the sudden demise of the very base of friendship...1 .. 2...3 n everything vanishes but u still go onn and make new friends...
i think thats a human characteristic one cannot overcome...
similliar is with me..
i make uncountable friends...get attached to some... give my heart and mind out for some...do everything possible...but 90% of them leave the bond in a fraction of a second...when am totally attached to them they aren't even 5 %...
dunno why is this so complex...a friend u used to trust ..respect...feel proud about...becomes a undying nightmare u just wished u never had...just for the reason that u invested so much of emotional labour thats gone point blank waste!
one more characteristic feature of this suddden breaking of bond is that it also carries with it negativity and hatred...
its soo damn complex that relationships, people, values change so fast...
and after everything am left with a question and a resolution:
QUESTION:
What was my fault?where did I went wrong in proving my ex-friend that i really feel he/she was important to me?
and the RESOLUTION:
I would be more patient and careful choosing my friends ahead.
BUT here am again on the brink of another such moment when i realize the same question and resolution and introspct myself on where did i went wrong this time?
And the only thing that comes in my mind is:
I never did wrong to my Ex friend...It was his/her decision to spoil whatever bond we had ( mainly because of back bitching,not trusting me,a small argument o whatever!)
it was there decision to go find new friends.
i don't stop them.
however i will wait for the time when they would realize my worth one day in the future and would ask themselves,,why did they ruined it all...
and that day i would be at peace as i would prove my credential as a friend to atleast a handfull of Ex friends...
Life comes back at you.
people come and go...friendship grow ..friendship shrinks...but one day.. one thought ..one moment can change everything taking u back on track to the road u left...
thats life
however we never stop making friends or remembering the old ones...
we just go onn and onn.
Life is a train...there are your family members and soulmate who will get down with you(fixed by the god to the same destination)...
but also there are fellow passengers (the friends) who can make your stay in the train worthwhile..however u dont know whether they would be with you till the end(ur destination) or would leave at the next station...leaving u with the oppurtunity to meet someone better...
But that too before leaving a mark - good or bad - FOREVER.
but also there are fellow passengers (the friends) who can make your stay in the train worthwhile..however u dont know whether they would be with you till the end(ur destination) or would leave at the next station...leaving u with the oppurtunity to meet someone better...
But that too before leaving a mark - good or bad - FOREVER.
thats it for now..comments and criticisms are welcomed.....
4 comments:
fantastic work tanmay!so true wot ol u rote!
Friends are God's way of Apologizing for everything else. . thats wat I used to think. .There are so many ppl who still base their life on that belief and love friends more than family. . . I guess some people just have it in them to give their 100% to something, be it anything... cuz they think with their heart and care with it too.. but some just aren't built that way. . . so the people who cared more comparatively are the only ones who lose out. its unfair, but thats just another word for life. . u've just gotta keep goin. . until you find people who're made of the same clay as yours. . ppl who think just as deeply as you do and care, love or value a relation just the same way as u. . and until then, people are goin to come and go from ur life. . and you'll just have to watch it all happen. . . But, don't lose ur essence while the world passes you by. There's gonna be atleast one person out their who equally believes in giving a 100% and one day u'll get the 100% u deserved right back.
Hmm..good thoughts Tan..
friendships have to be unconditional to a point to make them last...
When we cling and begin to revolve our lives around our friends only..the trouble begins..
It's important to draw lines for ourselves to save from hurt and realize who is worth giving our 100% to...
If we give without judging that...we would be lost-givers...
Anyways at the life stage that you are...don't take friendships too seriously...everyone would sooner or later part ways to settle into career streams...so just enjoy whatever comes your way...without seriously bothering about it...
5 years down the line...when the uncertainity in life settles down...would true friendships crop up..all the best:-)
Thanks a lot suji..:)
Yeah i agree with you on the point that friendship has to be boundless and unconditional...but thn I also feel if u are a friend to someone then you bear the responsibility to ensure that u are there always..
I am more often thn nt too individualistic while choosing my frnz i guess..so that is a big negative in me that i am planin to eradicate..
Coming to the giving for a friend part..according to me a true friend alwayz gives his/her 100%..others just are sharing a bonding for a particular time frame..like u said concerning career..education n all..
Though still feel i am lucky enough to find certain friends for whom i would be there irrespective of situations and I am sure they would be too..however long term friendship requires efforts from everyone.
The thought process may change..i have a lot to learn..:)
Thanks for your valuable advice..would surely try and follow your advice :)
take care
tanmay :)
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