wrote this a year bak...same time of the year ..publishing it now.....
For a person whose invisible authority over my thoughts still is there..
even if as a friend....
as some one who once was a part of me...
someone i needed....
or whom i think i did....
was it you or I myself who spoiled it all . . . .
Thinking of some memories from past...
I know that sometimes I have hurt you..
Please believe me, I never meant to....
My intentions were good, my resolve strong
To give you the best that there ever was...
But inside I lacked what you ever wanted.
I tried so long to give u what u expected,
Knowing my courage was flowing away.....deep inside
I could not satisfy your desires and i could see us breaking apart..
My weaknesses lead to our decay....and that was i cared...
For so long I tried to hold you close,but the world just made it a nightmare...
Knowing deep down that it could never be what u want me to be...
I could not just let u compromise .... but everybody took it otherwise....
including you....thought u got to know me...
but i was dissapointed...
Whatever it was i was rendred alone and helpless...
My love for you was selfish but true
I tried, I failed, and lost.
Sorry cannot convey how deeply I regret
Love's web untangles,
The feeling is still shit hell.
there are times when I just want to format my life and start again....
blank and memory less...
but its just soo dark and suffocating...
that life cant be formated....
u and i cant be what we were...
u and i cant be strangers...again..
BUT u n i have to be the ppl with invisible rift...
that would just be as it is...
its so bloody complex...i want to erase every bit...
because its the moment in my life...when i realise..
time alone cannot wash out whatever disintegrated...
the pain ..the agony...the marks are engraved...
for one to realise....
still i hold me strong...
in order to face my soul one day...
hope to start someday....
a new chapter of being me...
till then am just living...
hoping for remise...
hoping one day i forget every damn thing that happend between US....
and just take u as a friend....
no strings...no emotions attached...
a day i would wait forever....
and ever....
just for being able to face myself........
and this shitty hypocrit world.......
